Esteban 12-18 years

Esteban’s relationships have been very important to his social development, emotional well-being and his school achievement. Although he had many instances of peer conflict such as one time when he was on

the Internet and he suddenly became very angry and unleashed some bad language. Over the next few days, Esteban was engaged in a titanic instant messaging battle, hurling insults at a former friend, and receiving hostile messages from a couple of kids I hadn't ever heard of. I did have to restrict him from using the computer just to calm things down. There were still a lot of test messages. Another time, Esteban skipped school for 3 days to hang out with some friends. Esteban always seemed to come out of bad situations better than he went in and overall, negative peer relationships never out-weighed his positive peer relationships. He seemed to learn from his mistakes and turned out to be a great young man. He never had any issues that I would not label as “typical” teenage issues. With the exception of two C’s his freshman year, Esteban consistently earned A’s in honors Spanish, honors Language Arts and honors History classes and B’s in science, math and electives. He seemed to be able to keep his peer relationships separate from the focus that he maintained on his school work. He was accepted into several colleges and chose an in-state school. Esteban had a long-term girlfriend and was very mature and responsible in that relationship. He seemed to outgrow his emotional outbursts and went through what I would call “typical” adolescent moodiness, but was never consistently down, angry etc... due to peer relationships. He was a very resilient teenage boy.

When Esteban was about 14, he became more interested or at least more in tune with peoples’ cultural differences and his values and beliefs. One time Esteban mentioned that he had a long conversation with another student on a bus about all kinds of issues on which they disagreed, such as religion and politics. Esteban listened to the other person's point of view, but when he came home, and told me all about his own viewpoints. I listened to Esteban’s views and find that they were fairly close to my political, moral and spiritual views. I kind of joked with him and said, "So you have been listening to us all these years!" I also discussed the differences between him and his friend. We had a great discussion about differences and peoples’ rights to believe what they wanted to believe. I think it brought us closer together and it helped him to better understand where his friend was coming from.

Factors That Have Influenced Esteban's Development

I would say that many things have influenced Esteban's development. First, my husband and I were separated at one point. During this time, Esteban was much more emotional, disobeyed me, and acted out at school and at home. Another major event in our lives, was the birth of Esteban's little sister Amelia. Esteban had a very hard time adjusting to having another person competing for our attention. He acted out quite a but and it took a long time for that to change. Apparently, I am very strict (bossy I suppose) with Esteban at home. I feel that this is part of the reason he is bossy with his peers at school and he is the leader of a group of boys in his class. At our home, I have always placed a large emphasis on reading. Esteban is excelling in school in the areas of language arts, however he is struggling in math. When things get hard in math, Esteban tends to shut down or throw a fit and is very emotional. He does this at home and at school. We have quite a few things to work on and we'll keep trying to help Esteban gain self-confidence in math and work on his emotional issues as well.

Esteban 6 to 10 years

1-      Esteban seems to be very social. He plays with a group of kids at recess and has friends in his neighborhood. He seems to be rather bossy in school and is the leader of a group of boys at recess. He has adjusted well to school social situations and his first grade report card had these notes: Consistently works cooperatively in groups, consistently respects rights and possessions of others, and consistently demonstrates appropriate peer social interaction. Esteban was usually appropriately active during recess and physical games, and appropriately quiet during periods of work in the classroom setting. He did not show an unusual amount of impulsive or distractible behavior. Consistently works independently, consistently listens attentively and follows directions, and consistently follows classroom rules.

2-     Esteban does not have any significant behavior or emotional problems between the ages of 6-10. At 6 years, he was occasionally aggressive towards his peers and was sometimes uncooperative at home, but his dad and I were going through a rough patch and were separated. I continued to praise Esteban for good behavior and talked about alternatives to bad behavior. Through all of our family issues, Esteban always behaved well in public. At 8 years old, Esteban had some instances of acting out in class and could become very emotional at home. These were not habitual events. We worked on calm down techniques and discussed how he was feeling. Overall, Esteban played well with his sister and has a lot of friends in school and in our neighborhood. At recess, Esteban is the leader of his group and they have gotten in trouble a few times for picking on other kids. His dad and I have been separated on and off during this time. At age 10, Esteban’s dad and I got back together and are happier than ever. Esteban hasn’t been in trouble at school. He still has a lot of friends and continues to be a leader in their group. His 5^th grade report card comments: Consistently works cooperatively in groups, consistently respects rights and property of others, and consistently demonstrates appropriate peer social interaction. In the comments section the teacher wrote: Sometimes Esteban can become quite upset with himself or others, particularly in stressful situations, and needs help calming down.