Esteban 12-18 years

Esteban’s relationships have been very important to his social development, emotional well-being and his school achievement. Although he had many instances of peer conflict such as one time when he was on

the Internet and he suddenly became very angry and unleashed some bad language. Over the next few days, Esteban was engaged in a titanic instant messaging battle, hurling insults at a former friend, and receiving hostile messages from a couple of kids I hadn't ever heard of. I did have to restrict him from using the computer just to calm things down. There were still a lot of test messages. Another time, Esteban skipped school for 3 days to hang out with some friends. Esteban always seemed to come out of bad situations better than he went in and overall, negative peer relationships never out-weighed his positive peer relationships. He seemed to learn from his mistakes and turned out to be a great young man. He never had any issues that I would not label as “typical” teenage issues. With the exception of two C’s his freshman year, Esteban consistently earned A’s in honors Spanish, honors Language Arts and honors History classes and B’s in science, math and electives. He seemed to be able to keep his peer relationships separate from the focus that he maintained on his school work. He was accepted into several colleges and chose an in-state school. Esteban had a long-term girlfriend and was very mature and responsible in that relationship. He seemed to outgrow his emotional outbursts and went through what I would call “typical” adolescent moodiness, but was never consistently down, angry etc... due to peer relationships. He was a very resilient teenage boy.

When Esteban was about 14, he became more interested or at least more in tune with peoples’ cultural differences and his values and beliefs. One time Esteban mentioned that he had a long conversation with another student on a bus about all kinds of issues on which they disagreed, such as religion and politics. Esteban listened to the other person's point of view, but when he came home, and told me all about his own viewpoints. I listened to Esteban’s views and find that they were fairly close to my political, moral and spiritual views. I kind of joked with him and said, "So you have been listening to us all these years!" I also discussed the differences between him and his friend. We had a great discussion about differences and peoples’ rights to believe what they wanted to believe. I think it brought us closer together and it helped him to better understand where his friend was coming from.

Factors That Have Influenced Esteban's Development

I would say that many things have influenced Esteban's development. First, my husband and I were separated at one point. During this time, Esteban was much more emotional, disobeyed me, and acted out at school and at home. Another major event in our lives, was the birth of Esteban's little sister Amelia. Esteban had a very hard time adjusting to having another person competing for our attention. He acted out quite a but and it took a long time for that to change. Apparently, I am very strict (bossy I suppose) with Esteban at home. I feel that this is part of the reason he is bossy with his peers at school and he is the leader of a group of boys in his class. At our home, I have always placed a large emphasis on reading. Esteban is excelling in school in the areas of language arts, however he is struggling in math. When things get hard in math, Esteban tends to shut down or throw a fit and is very emotional. He does this at home and at school. We have quite a few things to work on and we'll keep trying to help Esteban gain self-confidence in math and work on his emotional issues as well.

Esteban 6 to 10 years

1-      Esteban seems to be very social. He plays with a group of kids at recess and has friends in his neighborhood. He seems to be rather bossy in school and is the leader of a group of boys at recess. He has adjusted well to school social situations and his first grade report card had these notes: Consistently works cooperatively in groups, consistently respects rights and possessions of others, and consistently demonstrates appropriate peer social interaction. Esteban was usually appropriately active during recess and physical games, and appropriately quiet during periods of work in the classroom setting. He did not show an unusual amount of impulsive or distractible behavior. Consistently works independently, consistently listens attentively and follows directions, and consistently follows classroom rules.

2-     Esteban does not have any significant behavior or emotional problems between the ages of 6-10. At 6 years, he was occasionally aggressive towards his peers and was sometimes uncooperative at home, but his dad and I were going through a rough patch and were separated. I continued to praise Esteban for good behavior and talked about alternatives to bad behavior. Through all of our family issues, Esteban always behaved well in public. At 8 years old, Esteban had some instances of acting out in class and could become very emotional at home. These were not habitual events. We worked on calm down techniques and discussed how he was feeling. Overall, Esteban played well with his sister and has a lot of friends in school and in our neighborhood. At recess, Esteban is the leader of his group and they have gotten in trouble a few times for picking on other kids. His dad and I have been separated on and off during this time. At age 10, Esteban’s dad and I got back together and are happier than ever. Esteban hasn’t been in trouble at school. He still has a lot of friends and continues to be a leader in their group. His 5^th grade report card comments: Consistently works cooperatively in groups, consistently respects rights and property of others, and consistently demonstrates appropriate peer social interaction. In the comments section the teacher wrote: Sometimes Esteban can become quite upset with himself or others, particularly in stressful situations, and needs help calming down.

Esteban 2-5 years

Esteban is becoming very social and interacts well with kids at his daycare. However, he isn't a baby anymore! :( Esteban is 2 1/2 years old and it was time to find him a new childcare provider. We decided to move him to a more structured environment. Esteban was excited at first, but as the weeks passed, he would cry and carry on when I left him at daycare. My husband and I rearranged our schedules for a few days and spent a little more time with Esteban when we were dropping him off. Soon things were back to normal and life was good. When checking in on Esteban's progress, his teacher noted that he plays very well with the other children, but often has problems following the rules. I have noticed this at home too, so we are working on a rewards based system for following the rules and routines at home and at school.
When Esteban was about 3 1/2, I had a baby girl- Amelia! Esteban was very helpful and loved to help take care of his little sister. However as time went on, he became jealous of Amelia and also started to imitate some of the sounds that Amelia made. My husband and I started spending more one on one time with Esteban. Things got better after that.
After Amelia was born, things went a little downhill for Esteban's behavior at school. He became more aggressive with the other kids and was less compliant with his teachers. His teachers also reported that Esteban became very upset when tasks were difficult and he would just give up. Since my husband and I have started spending more individual time with Esteban, things seem to have improved a little.
Esteban continues to be very strong with language, recognizing letters and can write the alphabet and his name. He still struggles staying on task and with reasoning skills as well as with counting. These are activities that we are incorporating in our daily lives to try to boost his skills in these areas.
I would say that Esteban is a fairly resilient little guy. He went through some ups and downs when Amelia was born, but has generally always adjusted well to new situations and enjoys playing with other kiddos!

Esteban 0-2 years

A. Esteban is overall a happy and healthy baby boy. He is quite active and not really into sleeping a lot. He eats well and is securely attached to me. I sing to him, rock him, cuddle him, soothe him and tend to his every need. He is not as securely attached to my partner. He works a lot and is supporting us while I am on maternity leave.
At 3 months, it is time for me to go back to work. This seems to have created a little stress both for me and Esteban. Esteban does not take easily to other adults. My niece has moved in with us while she works to save money for college. This helps me and my husband out and is much less stressful for Esteban. This lines up very well with Bowlby's attachment theory. Esteban often cries when I leave and turns to me for comfort. Esteban quickly forms a bond with my niece and his world seems to be good again.
At 8 months, Esteban becomes fussier, which stresses me out more. I have been under a lot of pressure at work lately. I continued to look for ways to soothe him.
B. Esteban is very physically active and is highly interested in his surroundings. He is pretty even keel when it comes to his emotions. He only really cries when he's hungry, tired or when he needs to be changed, which is pretty normal. He continues to shy away from new adults when he first meets them, but eventually he comes around. Esteban like to socialize with other kids and plays and "talks" with them. He has been socializing with the little boy who lives across the hall from us on a regular basis and has met new friends at the park. Esteban is generally very cooperative. He plays well with other children and only throws a temper tantrum on occasion. Esteban is generally able to pull himself out of his moods on his own. It is rare that he is put in time-out for any reason. Over the last 18 months, his temperament has been pretty stable. He does need to work on building things with blocks etc...
I have the tendency to change according to Esteban's moods (goodness of fit). This is something that I need to work on. Instead of me changing for him, I need to help him adapt to his environment.